Service this morning was great. The message followed up on last week’s about humility and focused on the power and role of prayer for a believer. Which I myself am not the best at. Not because I do not think it is necessary, more because I go down the rabbit hole that is my mind and forget my way out of there. There was a map once but I ate it when I got stuck down there for a very long time. And I forget that there is something bigger than me that can actually do something about my hopes and concerns. Something that is the GPS. If I decide to talk about it instead of trying to read the paper map of anxiety and confusion. Confusion is the compass my papa gave me when I graduated high school. It’s intention is good but if you do not know how to use or manage it, you only get more lost.
One thing I noted from today was, “God looks at us and sees the mess. He also sees perfection” I love this because it means something completely divine and sovereign sees me, hot mess me, as satisfactory. As perfect. (Nearly, anyway.) He chose us as his best work. Not the oceans, not the mountains, not even miniature horses.
When Mable jumps the fence to chase after bicycles or random dogs in the road, I get pissed because I know the kind of trouble she could get in if she picks the wrong dog or the wrong cyclist to bark at. I refuse to let her back in, I eventually give in, feed her, bathe her, and let her sleep in the bed. Every damn time.
This is grace. And a weakness for puppy dog eyes.
Our church did not extend any mercy or grace when they made us introverts pray for a neighbor today. By neighbor I do not mean the person in the house next to mine whom I can quietly pray for without ever having to talk to. No, the neighbor we prayed with today was named Amy. She was beautiful, elegantly dressed, and sat to the right of my husband this morning.
I wish I could tell you that when we admitted, reluctantly, what we could use prayer over that she had the answer for us and we had the answer for her. But it did not work that way. At least not at this time.
However, it felt good to be sincere. To not have to lie and say, “You’re in my prayers” or “I’ll put you on my prayer list” then forget about it. It felt good to just do it out loud, no matter how awkward it was or can be. It reaffirmed how selfish saying all those things is. I tell people I will pray for them mostly for me. It is a check on a list and it makes me feel good about how I appear to others. But it isn’t honest. And when you break it down, that is what I want to be the most. Honest and sincere, so that when I do pray for others, they know it is real. More than that, that the Spirit in me is real.
If you think about it tonight in bed or tomorrow while you’re driving, Amy needs prayer over her husband’s health.